Childhood Unbound p.175

A few basic signs [of reliability]:

  1. Keeping one’s word about the small things – time home, calling as had been agreed, being (pretty) honest about who’s around in others’ houses.
  2. Your internal feeling that what your child says makes sense – pay attention when it doesn’t add up – you’re probably onto something. The truth usually flits across your mind and you ignore it.
  3. Both you and your partner get the same – or at least a similar enough story. Kids can only play us against each other if we don’t bother to talk to each other.
  4. Giving you enough time to truly think about a decision – feeling less like a hostage to time pressure makes you feel more trusting.
  5. Owning their behavior – without torturous explanations or excuses.
  6. Your child is not afraid to tell you the truth – even if it’s not something you don’t want to hear. This is a hall-mark of mutual trust – in your child and your being a reasonable, firm parent.
  7. Your child has a couple of good friends, regular playdates and receive calls – a sign of trustworthiness with peers.
  8. Other parents are truthful around you – and do not hold back important information you then hear about later. This openness usually indicates your child is acting within acceptable bounds when you’re not around.
  9. Your own growing sense of trust – be clear-eyed, but be open to seeing and enjoying your child’s maturation.

 

Ron Taffel – Childhood Unbound p.175

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